MyLife.com, Random Though, WTF
- Sunday, January 31, 2010 - 3 comments
6 things I learned about God and The Angels watching the movie Legion
Until last night.
Truly, Legion has given me such an insight about how the skies works, and I would feel egoist not to share it with you.
Let's start :
1. Armageddon takes place in the US
It sort of make sense. They have, after all, the best media resources in the world. I would be Him, I would definitely count on that to launch my big scale purification and get broadcast worldwide, showing them heathens what's coming at them.
Funny though that the savior of mankind has to be from around Vegas. Why not Mongolia? We will never know.
2. His means are limited
I would have thought that if He wanted to exterminate human race, he would just have to snap his fingers. Watching movies in general and Legion in particular made me understand that He can not interact directly with our existence, especially in the US, which He's tried to bombard with meteors, deadly viruses, Japanese rampaging monsters and dinosaurs since a little while now.
So in Legion, humans will have to cope with the Spider Ice Cream Man. Of course He fails, again.
3. He has a complex and troubled personality
I understand that. Frankly. I mean, you can't face the infinity of the multiverse and all its quantic possibilities as your every day routine without losing it a little. A simple technical requirement sheet can drive me nuts for a week and He had to deal with the Platypus' blueprints.
So when, in the end of the movie _spoiler_ you hear Michael telling Gabriel "You gave Him what He wanted, I gave Him what He needed", try not being to hard on Him. He's got a complex and troubled personality.Platypus.
4. He's a really good decision maker, roots for shoe lace budget
Say, you are Him and one evening you realize that humans just came across gunpowder, what would you do? I can see the scene clearly when he calls a dispatch for immediate meeting with all the executives, and introduces gunpowder as the today agenda. I can imagine Michael, always thinking fast but somewhat vertically suggesting: "We could cancel the chemical property of gunpowder so it doesn't detonate anymore, hence preventing humans from killing each other."
Then He would reply "That's a good practical solution, Mikey, but I've got better. We keep the gunpowder (and everything that go boom) as a mean of growth control from now on, that will prevent us to plan another "great end of all things" for some times. And with the cut into the Armageddon budget, I got you angels a little something... BULLET PROOF WINGS!!"
Shinyyyyyyy!
5. Angels are from Sparta, their uncle is McGuyver, their landlady is Lex Luthor.
Except that normal Spartans generally dine in Hell. But these ones got promoted with, as an addition to the standardized spartan armor, the...bullet proof wings (shiny) and the Swiss Army Spiked Club. That's actually the McGuyver genes talking here (along with the fog horn). This tool is the Dremel of the warriors, you can unfold the spikes, extend them, rotate the head (practical if you need a very very sharp eggbeater) and sprout a long pointy bit from the top of the shaft, all that by only pressing a few button on the handle, order now by calling our toll-free number. The first angel to have tried it must still have a bad leg from the first time he sneezed while holstering it.
Then yes, they seem to live in the evil lair of Lex Luthor, high on the mountain. I'd give you the photos from Google Maps but I'm too tired.
6. A human possessed by an angel turns into Christopher Walken.
That's because of the teeth. Have you ever watched Sleepy Hollow? Actually it's a good move from Him, since hey, minions of the final destruction have to be creepy and, frankly, have you taken a good look at Christophep Walken without being creeped out?
Here is just for the comparison:


Well, this movie is slightly less hilarious than Dogma, pretty funny that is. Don't hesitate and go watch it.
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